No. Yeah, it fuckin' scares the hell out of me. It scares me that a friend of mine who once said, 'You always seem to take the easy way, Peter. You seem to never give yourself enough credit. You seem to just be afraid of failing,' is right. I don't take chances in my life. I am fuckin' scared of failing. Failing at anything, I try in my life. I don't take chances, because I am too scared.

I am scared that I won't make anything out of my life.

I am scared that of riding a fuckin' rollercoaster. I am scared of never writing and publishing a book. I am scared I won't have grandkids. I am scared I won't have kids. I am scared I will never get married. I am scared I will never find love. I am scared I will die alone. Love can't exist. I refuse to believe it does. Complacency exist. Love needs to be reinvented. It has to be. It's been fuckin' milleniums since love was started. People have changed since then, love should have changed since then. It can't be that I have lived for practically two fuckin' decades and haven't loved, or, rather been in love with; a girl.

I have never once in my life felt like I was looking a girl in her eyes and knew, just you know, fuckin' knew that she was feeling the same thing I was; like there is no other place she would rather be. Unless of course, she was looking at me as I was inside her. Erm, scratch that, she probably wished I was either someone else, or maybe, just maybe, she even wished she was somewhere else. I should boast about my sexual experiences they were nothing amazing. Every girl was the exact same thing as the last. NOTHING SPECIAL. So, why the fuck should I think I was something special.

I wish I had one experience in my life that was special, or at the very least something, anything, that was significant to me with a girl. My biggest fear isn't dying in my sleep; it's dying alone, with no one next to me in my sleep. My biggest fear isn't to not ever reproduce; it's to not have grandkids for my mother to see. I love my mother.

Rant over.

FIN.