Please Enjoy the Elephant's Rectum

Please Enjoy the Elephant's Rectum

Sickening discomfort.
My throat burns and itches.
I feel an overwhelming urge to cough, because it seems like it'll help subside this irregular pain.
But, coughing does nothing for. Nothing but instigate more burning and an unholy amount of mucus. Coughing one; causes me to cough twice. Then it becomes a never ending cycle, that causes my chest to hurt. My chest feels as though hundreds of little needles are poking at it. It feels warm and fuzzy, but not in a good way. I feel weak. I feel weak. I feel fucking weak. I am sweaty, yet cold. I am 19 year of age but, being sick makes me feel old. I hate this fucking feeling.

I want to be well, I want to be well, I want to be fucking well. I want my mother out of the hospital. I want my brother to stop lying. I want to be more trusting and I want to trust people for the right reasons. I want school to be over. I want to finally feel something more than just 'fine'. I want people to actually give a shit when they ask me, 'How you are doing?' I want them to give a shit about my response, so I will actually respond; honesty. I want people to not only ask me, 'What's going on in my life?' because they want to tell me how marvelous their life is. I don't want people to lie to me, I know nothing is perfect. That includes their life. As long as I am wanting, I want to create a masterpiece--that is my life.

I wish I could have a drink right now, Vodka straight. I wish I could have a cigarette right now, Marlboro Light. I wish I could go to sleep right now, outside, having the field be my bed, the night sky be my blanket, having the moon be my nightlight, and the stars fuel my consistently changing dreams. I wish I could finally be living my life, instead of preparing steps for it.

Raise your shot glass (with me) in the air, to toast for a gorgeous new morning in December. This is for every last bit of fueled hope and every little bed-sheet stained desire that still exists.

FUCK!

Fin.