iPeed in Her && Now She is Pregnant

iPeed in Her && Now She is Pregnant

I haven't eaten anything in practically 2wo whole fucking days.
I'm hungry, but have no appetite.
I have slept 4our full hours (Not consecutively) in the past 5ive days.
I feel fine.
Just fine.
Not a single thing more, not a single thing less.


I've realized and finally allowed myself; to come to terms with the fact that I am a homosexual, figuratively speaking, of course.
I mean, I must be. I haven't had sex in almost 9 months and I don't want to. I don't know why.
I don't have an urge for it. I mean, if it came along... I would not pass it up. But, I'm not yearning for it. I'm not anticipating it, I have actually opposed against offers. I am a homosexual. I mean, I must be.

Lately, (More so, in the past week) more than anything in the world; I've wanted company. I want to share my bed and be held. I don't want love or sex; I want to cuddle. (That in itself sounds gay.) I want a girl to just smile and allow me to hold her. Hold her so fucking tight, and have her tell me, 'It'll be okay. Just relax." I want a girl to just lay next to me, and slowly ease her way closer to me, and pull me on top of her. Pull me on top of her, so that my body can outline hers. I want her to throw her arms under my armpits and have her hands peek over my shoulders. As I just shove my arms under the warm, smooth small of her back. Fuck it, as long as we are wishing, i want her to wrap her legs around me and let me dig my head into the pillow beside her skull. I want her scent to stain my nose, and I want her to whisper, "Everything will be okay."

I don't think I can love and have sex. I don't think I can truly fulfill my sexually voracious and unstable appetite for sex (at least not on satisfactory level) and love at the same time. Sex is a courtship ritual with a specific kind of communication, I can't reach it with a significant other. The messiness of emotional attachments, just puncture my sexual and romantic bubble and threatens to keep me apart from my 'lover.'

I fail to fall short; of being the epitome of the contemporary urban man. I cannot grasp what love is in relation to sex. To me they are two different things that should be kept as such. (Separately and as far away as possible.)

Fucking without love.
&&
Loving without fucking.
That is my life.

Fin.