hahahaha

Fuck.
I feel like shit.
I feel horrid, vile, just fucking disgusting.
It's strange.
I have this overwhelming emotional concoction consisting of this uninvited guilt and anxiety.

It feels like it's pouring out. But it took me a while to notice. I feel like a walking pair of eyeballs. Tired and restless; eyeballs at that. The only other parts of my body I feel is my chest and stomach. My chest feels like it's being brutally bashed inward. My stomach feels as though it has multiple knots on the inside, that are being pulled out like a game of tug-a-war.

I want more than anything for this feeling to disappear, but, at the moment it feels like this will be a never ending torment.

I want to fucking scream.
I want to fucking cry.
I want to just wake up and believe she never left me.

I want to stop thinking about her. I want to think about her forever.

I want to bash my skull against every brick building I've come across in New York City, ever since she fucking left me. I can't stop thinking about her. Not because I have no control, but because I want to be attached to her. I don't want to lose her, for indefinite and prolonged periods of time.

I JUST WANT HER BACK IN MY FUCKING LIFE!