This is the Future

This is the Future

Life is nothing short of a Casino.
It's all about chances, choices, thoughts, if's, and's, but's, and most importantly yes's.
It's about thinking of all the odds against you and still making the choice to take a chance.


If you want a magical experience go and bet every last dollar you own; in roulette on a number. One number.
No sleep for over 2 days.
Over 10 drinks of alcohol pumping through you.
Standing it a room well lit, with florescent, fuzzy white lights and no windows or clocks.
Your phone is dead.
You have no idea what time or even what day it is.
Time doesn't exist here.
Time doesn't exist here.
Times doesn't fucking exist here.
You have just put your entire life in the hands of a little white ball that is spinning around a wheel of randomly set numbers and colors.
Your heart is pounding.
Your hands are shaking.
Your mind is lost.
You can't fucking believe what you just did.
This is definitely the craziest thing you have done lately.
If you lose, you don't even know how you will get home.
You want a cigarette so bad, so bad, so FUCKING bad.
But, you need to wait...
You need to see how this all ends.
The odds of you winning are practically nonexistent.
You chuckle to yourself in disbelief of your dumb decision.
The wheel stops...
Your ears are ringing.
Everyone around you is yelling.
You can't drown anyone out anymore.
People are smiling.
You look...
You've won.
You now have thirty six times the amount you had about 30secs before.

You go to the smoker's lounge, you can't believe yourself.
A random black man with a shitty digital camera shows you a picture of a girl.
He asks you, 'what you think?'

You don't want to be rude, but you say, 'I'm fine. I don't need her for a good time.'

After all, who needs Jennifer Natalie Bop?
She's just a fucking 21 year old whore.
Just a whore with a 3 year old child.
She didn't finish high school.
You didn't believe her, when she said, 'My biggest regret is not finishing.'
You thought she was just another whore, as you watched her snort heroin.
You thought she was just another crackhead, when you saw her smoke from that glass cock.
When she said those scars on her face and stomach were from a car accident from when she was three, you didn't believe her.
You thought that black man, that pimp, that was the reason for those terrible facial mutations on her.
You couldn't believe she had 14 tattoos.
You couldn't believe the man you came to the Casino with, actually fucked her.
You couldn't believe he wasn't interested in talking to her.
You couldn't believe he couldn't care.
At least, not like how you cared.

But, why the fuck would you care about some young whore?


You got comped for a free room.
You got comped for free meals.
You got two thousand dollars in your pocket.

Just eat.
Just go to sleep.
Just go home.


In a casino, money never really belongs to you, until you leave.

In life, love doesn't really exist to you, until you leave.

You didn't eat.
You didn't sleep.
You have no money left.
You had to lose your car keys.
You had to lose a friend.
You had to lose yourself.

You have no idea how it happened.
But, it did.

Life is brilliant.

FUCK 2k9.

FUCK 2009.

FUCK THE NEW YEAR.

I can't help but love it.



What's the craziest thing you've done lately?

-I've lost friends, money, self-respect. I've lost myself, only to rebuild what I think about myself. I've met the most amazing girl in school; Alison. I've drank myself retarded. I've spent random nights at a friend's house and watched her seduce me. I've lied to my parents. I've cried in a bathtub. I've pictured myself getting the crap kicked out of me, by a man twice my age. I've gotten shy around a girl to the point where holding her hand was better than sex. I've had a girl kiss me on the lips, and make me smile for days. I've ignored a past lover. I've believed in fate. I've forged my father's signature. I've rudely spoken in a foreign language around people who don't understand it. I've laid outside in the snow, shirtless, staring at stars. I've finally met with a friend I haven't seen since he was institutionalized. I've watched a girl fall asleep in my arms and thought about marrying her. I've wanted to kill myself. I've wanted to understand how my parents are still together. I've thought about why they want to leave each other. I've imagined having a bird shit on me, for the shear reason; of a possible change of luck. I've loved New York. I've loved New Jersey. I hated them both. I have thought of past sexual conquests. I've wished. I've lost. I've won. I have lived more in the past 12 days, more livelier than the passed 19 years.

FIN.