First Entry In Ages

Over the course of just five short years, I've managed to lie to over three dozen women into sleeping with me, by promising them the world. I've recycled lines that I've realized work for me, to get them to be my sexual conquest.

I guess, in a sense I have my mother to blame, she taught me that compliments are the way to a woman's heart. When I was about five years old she told me that a compliment consists of stating kind words to another individual that evoked a kindness from the bottom of your heart. She gave me examples like telling a girl she has pretty blue eyes, or a nice summer dress, or her hair looks especially good today.

So I took those examples and came trotting towards a man that must've been on the brink of death, you know, one foot in the door one foot out. As I, this little fuckin' shmuck decided to approach him, I noticed his eyes, his crystal clear blue sky eyes. This man, who was wheelchair bound and clinging on to dear fuckin' life, and I said to him, 'You have the most beautiful baby blue eyes I have ever seen, they look like water.' He smiled like a clown, having both sides of his lips almost stick to his old floppy ears, like his denchers stick to his mouth every fuckin' morning that he wakes up. My mother was baffaled and couldn't control her laughter from escaping her mouth as she whispered to me, 'He's blind.'

I was so ashamed, I swelled and blushed like a plump tomatoe, and had sweat drip between my lightly visible brows. I felt like a dog that tried to please his commander and poorly proformed the task at hand, only to be forced to put his tail between his legs. From that moment on, I promised myself any compliment I ever shell out to anyone will be specifically catered towards them.

Finish it later, drunksssssss